Some people make stupid decisions.
Some people make quick decisions.
Some people struggle to make decisions.
I am a struggler. Not sure why. I like to blame it on my Mom. She trained me to look carefully at BOTH sides of the fence. She helped me to see that there are always good reasons on BOTH sides.
Some people would say that difficulty in decision making is due to the fear of making the wrong decision. I suppose that's always true to some extent. But I struggle on even simple decisions like which color of stockpot to buy. Now there's not really any reason to fear that decision is there? No one will get hurt if I make the wrong decision. (unless I get so upset over the color that I throw the pot at someone.) Can there even be a right or wrong to that decision? OK. Some decisions are easy. I ruled out the orange-flame and kiwi green colors right away. That left Red, Blue, Black. Red is bold and fun, but will I tire of it? Does it trap me into a color scheme everytime I want to use it? Blue. Blue would look great in my kitchen....but what if I change my kitchen decor, would it still look good? Which color would chili look better in? The red one. What about clam chowder? Oooh now the answer is definitely blue. What about the black? I know black is basic, and never goes out of style...but I am tired of black. Everything has been black for an entire decade....appliances, luggage, clothing. I like black, don't get me wrong, and I have plenty of black in my wardrobe, mostly cause it looks good on me, in contrast to my white hair, but black is boring.....but then, sometimes. boring is good. You don't get tired of boring as fast as you do bold. Which shirt am I most tired of? The plain black one or the polka dot one? Do you see how my mind works? I agonize over the stupidest things. Well, not so stupid, since this pot is going to cost me almost $200 (working in a gourmet kitchen shop is a bad influence on my tastes) and it should last me the rest of my life.
How should I get my hair cut? What should I make for dinner? Which photo of the family is the best shot? Life is full of decisions. You'd think by this age I'd have had the tiger by the tail....but by the end of the day I have spent so much energy making decisions that I wish I could delegate that responsibility to someone else...I'm "decisioned out" (is there such a word?)
A biggie that has been weighing on my mind for too long now....do I accept the invitation to be the speaker at an all day women's conference? After leaving all my ministries behind when we moved from Colorado, I asked God what kind of ministry I could do for Him here in Texas. It's been over two years, and I still haven't found an opening in anything yet that seems to match my abilities or passions.
I've always LOVED being a Sunday School teacher. I love being silly with the kids. I love teaching them something they don't know and having fun while doing it. I love their open honesty and excitement. Adults, well they are a whole different story. Reserved. Quiet. Masked. They already know too much, or at least think they do. Not a good idea to be silly. Must share something really profound. Speaker at a Ladies' conference. I tried it once, 12 years ago. Utter failure. I swore I would NEVER do that again. I Could. Not. Connect. I was Boring. I wanted to crawl into a hole and pull a rug over the top.
Feeling like wanting to crawl in a hole and pull a rug over the top... I remember another time I felt like that...Yeah. Like that time we did special music at our church in Florida. We'd practiced and practiced the week before. Got up there....Smile. Merle started playing the guitar intro. I started singing. THEN I realized that it was WAY too high for me...I am an alto. I looked at him with frightened eyes, stopped singing and said "that's not right!" OK. Start over. Intro. Start singing. Darn! That's STILL not right. I can't sing it that high! What is wrong? You won't believe this, but it actually happened one MORE time. By then, I no longer wanted to sing. I wanted to find the nearest exit. I wanted to die. I was thoroughly embarrassed. At that point he FINALLY realized he was playing it in the wrong key. I still don't know why he didn't realize that before he'd done it 3, count them, 3 times. And what's more, why I couldn't tell that he kept starting it in the same key, but, he finally changed the key. We sang. I don't remember much except wanting it to be over. I still remember which song it was, and that was 30 years ago. You'd think we'd never have sung that one again, but we did. We sang that same song a few years later in West Virginia at our church there. (Yep, WV.... We've moved around a lot.) Well, they knew we sang and they asked us to do special music. OK. Well, I have never sung to a less responsive audience. STONE FACES. No smiles. No toe tapping. Are they angry? They don't like us! No, it's worse that that, I think they HATE us. I want this to be over! Well, honestly, I think they were just in shock. We were later told that it was fine for us to sing, but to please use the piano, NOT the guitar next time. Guitars are for evening services, but are not formal enough for Sunday mornings. (Ok folks, remember this was 25 years ago!) We never sang a special on Sunday mornings again. We have to practice a song 300 times and change the key several times to find the right one to fit our voices. What accompaniest would be willing to do that? But the youth...they remembered it. We were heroes. We had dared to play the guitar. Honestly, we were never the rebel type. We would have just refrained from singing. Those stone faces. They were just afraid to let anyone know they were enjoying it I guess. That's exactly the way it felt when I taught at that ladies conference years ago. Stone faces.
But, I digress. Back to the decision at hand. To teach or not to teach. That is the question. I KNOW that God will give me HIS words if (but that is a much bigger word...IF) that is what He wants for me to do. Moses said "But I don't speak well, Lord." God said "I will put the words in your mouth." Moses didn't believe him, so Aaron got the job. I believe He can.... He would IF. See, at least Moses knew for sure what God was calling him to do.
At church on Sunday Pastor Dave's sermon was on using your spiritual gifts to edify the body. He said to just DIVE IN and try something. Then you'll find out if it's the right place for you. If you find FULFILMENT. If you find FRUITFULNESS. Then that is the right place for you. If not, try something different. Well, I tried it 12 years ago. I did NOT find FULFILMENT or FRUITFULNESS. So does that mean I should smile and say, sorry, I think you've got the wrong person? I tried that once. I did not find fulfilment in teaching adults. Or is that being like Moses, and saying, Nope. Sorry LORD. Can't do that. Nope, not even with your help. Is once enough to establish whether or not you are God-gifted in that area? Do you try again, or move on? If we had stopped singing after one horrible experience, we would have denied ourselves the blessings of music over the years. So, maybe once isn't enough to throw in the towel? Do I risk the embarrasment again, knowing I will cringe everytime I remember it?
Yes, I did study and prepare last time. Yes I did pray that I would speak His words last time. Looking back I don't know what I could have changed. I cringe. How did I get in the way of God's message last time? I don't know.
Lord. I am asking you to show me clearly if YOU are calling me to do this ministry. If you want me to do this, I am asking for a message that I am passionate about. And I am asking you to help me make a connection with these ladies so that YOU can touch their hearts.
EPILOGUE:
I FINALLY decided that I would go ahead and teach at the retreat, but before I called to tell my friend, she called me to say that the event had been postponed indefinitely and they were pursuing another option. (They set up a booth at the Govenor's Womens' Conference)
Monday, August 28, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Best Friends
One of my *Best* friends, Stacy, encouraged us in her blog today to write about our lives. She said that even if our lives are ordinary, they need to be celebrated. She bemoaned the fact that so many of us start a blog and then don't continue. She thinks she's writing her blog about an ordinary life, but really, it's extra-ordinary, and what's more, she's talented enough to write about it with creativity and humor and it's a delight to read her blog, (and would be even if you don't know her!) It's nearly the one year anniversary of my blog, and this is only my 5th entry. Even though I'm NOT a talented writer, it's still a shame, isn't it?
1. My *Best* Friend growing up is Debbie. Our dads are best friends, so we've been best friends since we were 3. We talked "double talk" so my little brother and her little sister couldn't understand what we were saying. We went camping together every year. We worked on projects together til the wee hours. We were pregnant at the same time and later took our babies for outings together. Our sons became great friends too. We've shared our whole lives with each other. We are too much alike. We LOVE an adventure. We LOVE life. We live whirlwind, pack-it-in, see-it-all, don't-leave-anything-out lives. Everyone else thinks we're nuts, but thrive on hearing about our adventures. We live in different states now, but still email and see one another as often as we can. I've lived here for 3 years, and she's been down to visit me 3 times already. Who, other than your *Best* friend, would drive all the way from Colorado to Texas when she only has a 3 day weekend? (Drive one day, spend one day, drive another???) Another time she and her husband drove ALL night to get here, then managed to drive with us to sightsee in San Antonio until midnight of the next day. We have shared so many memories, and enjoy all of life together. Debbie is my *Best* friend.
2. My *Best* friend from Jr. High is Linda. They changed the boundaries of the school attendance areas the year I was a freshman and I had to attend a different school than all the kids I grew up with, including Debbie. I was lost on the first day of classes and couldn't find the choir room (which was accessed by a staircase behind the lunchroom, which felt like being in a dark alley at midnight.) Linda was the kind soul who helped me find it, then sat by me in choir, and immediately we became friends. We did all those teen things like shopping and slumber parties. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. We talk on the phone and spend hours on end talking together whenever I get to go home. We've lived through her first husband's infidelity, their divorce, her second husband's unexpected death of a heart attack and her daughter's battle with anorexia. We've shared life on a deep level. She is my *Best* friend.
3. My *Best* Friend from college days is Lois. We were both married the same summer and lived in the same married student housing project at Colorado School of Mines where our husbands were students. We spent so many nights playing games, and camping together. No matter how many moves we made, we always kept in touch and made trips to see each other. We went to see them once and ended up spray painting our car in their garage, and she had yellow paint spots on her washer and dryer forever afterward. When they came home to visit family in Denver, we were ALWAYS invited. At first her siblings were jealous, but eventually came to consider us to be family too. We watched them become Christians, go to seminary, become a pastor and his wife, and raise 4 beautiful daughters for whom we were god-parents. We've been able to drive to Utah to attend all four weddings. We always pick up where we left off and have shared life on a spiritual level as well. She is my *Best* friend.
4. My *Best* friend during our early years of marriage was Deb. We moved to eastern Colorado and I thought I recognized her husband while attending a church basketball game. I knew him from Bible camp as a teen, but he'd lived in California, but attended our camp near Colorado Springs because his uncle was camp director. It had to be a God-thing to meet like that in a podunk eastern CO. cowtown . We had great times together on their dairy farm dreaming of self-sufficient farms together. We did everthing together. Then we went to Bible college in Florida and they worked at Fellowship Ranch in Missouri for Overseas Christian Servicemen's Centers. We went to visit them there. They told a couple who were volunteering there that their *BEST* friends were coming to visit. The couple was Lois' parents---small world, huh? Lois' mother said "They can't be YOUR Best friends, they are Best friends with my daughter!" Deb died a few years ago of breast cancer, but she was my *Best* friend.
5. My *Best* friend from my boys' school years is Caleen. She was Phil's first and second grade teacher. She encouraged learning with a creative and challenging method. She let him choose his own spelling words because he could already spell all the words on the third grade list for the year. She told me that Phil had to be INWARDLY movtivated, that outside motivation was never going to work with him. (Time has proven her to be a prophet in that regard.) We talked about life together and became friends outside the classroom. I helped her create a family heritage scrapbook photo album. I shared life with her as she fell in love, and married the pastor of an inner city church. She encouraged me to homeschool Mark (contrary to what MOST public school teachers would do) when we figured out that his learning style was a 1 percentile style, and public school wasn't working out for him. She allowed him to come into her classroom and do Science Guy type of talks and demos from 5th grade all the way through high school graduation. I've shared her struggles to deal with aging parents and uninvolved siblings. We love going exploring together or just sitting and talking for hours. She is my *Best* friend.
6. My *Best* friend in Texas has been Becky. On my first visit to a Ladies Bible Study I introduced myself and said I needed to make friends in my new community. She promptly invited me to lunch. We started meeting for lunch regularly and soon started doing things together as couples as well. We eat meals together, are in the same small group Bible study and go to plays, movies and concerts together. We all spent a weekend helping Katrina victims in Louisiana and have planned a canoe trip next month. My son is dating her daughter, but we didn't even introduce them to each other. He was home from college on a short break, attended a youth group outing to a baseball game and said she was the only one who would talk to him. Now they've been dating over a year and even attended the same Bible college in Iowa. Becky's mom told me that I am an answer to prayer, that Becky needed a *Best* friend.
I see a long future for Becky and I as *Best* friends.
7. My *Best* friend at work is Karla, my boss. We are in the same small group Bible study. When she was getting ready to open her store and was feeling overwhelmed by everything, I volunteered to help her, not as a job, just as a friend. I did help her set up the shop, but ended up being employed even before the store opened. I love working for her, she is a great boss. We talk about everything and just enjoy being together. She takes me along on shopping trips (like to the World Trade Center and one this week to Texas Hill Country.) She is training me to be able to run the store if the need ever arises. We spend hours talking about most everything. She told her husband I am her *Best* friend. Yup. She's my *Best * friend.
8. My *Best* Scrapbooking friend is Stacy. She's everybody's best friend. She is open and genuine. We connect on many levels, scrapbooking is only one. She and her husband coached us when we needed to move here from Colorado. She encourages me when I feel hesitant or inadequate. I admire her and love to be with her. We have lunch together, but not nearly often enough. We can talk about anything. I share her life more than she shares mine because I read her blog. She says the things we all wish we had the talent to say. Maybe I should share my blog with her.
9. My Mom is my *Best* Friend. We are so much alike. We even say the same things, with the same tone of voice, at the SAME time. When we are watching old home videos we say "Did I say that, or did you?" We talk about everthing, we work together perfectly as a team. We create masterpieces together like the huge collage of photos at their church, that years later still attracts attention. We talk on the phone EVERY day for as long as we dare. We can complain and grump about life or relationships all we want and know the other understands and can deal with it. We love traveling together, working together, chatting together. She is not just my Mom, she's my *Best* friend.
10. My husband is my *Best* friend. There are no secrets, no barriers, just open loving arms. We dream about the future, we reminisce about the past. We have philosophical discussions. We are an unbeatable team in the kitchen! We encourage each other and yet give one another space. He is kind and gentle and understanding. He is God's incredible, wonderful gift to me. He is my *Best* friend.
I am so blessed to have *Best* friends and plenty of wonderful, favorite friends too!
edited May 5, 2007....I just got an email from my friend, Susan. She should have been in my list of best friends too. Our sons are best friends and we spent endless hours together talking together as the boys played over the years. This little article of reflection on types of friendships agrees perfectly with this blog entry "Best Friend" that I wrote months ago.
To all of my girlfriends.
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded! Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, "Let's cry together," another, "Let's fight together," another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .. those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in several.. one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, on some days your neighbor, on others, your sisters, and on some days, your daughters.
1. My *Best* Friend growing up is Debbie. Our dads are best friends, so we've been best friends since we were 3. We talked "double talk" so my little brother and her little sister couldn't understand what we were saying. We went camping together every year. We worked on projects together til the wee hours. We were pregnant at the same time and later took our babies for outings together. Our sons became great friends too. We've shared our whole lives with each other. We are too much alike. We LOVE an adventure. We LOVE life. We live whirlwind, pack-it-in, see-it-all, don't-leave-anything-out lives. Everyone else thinks we're nuts, but thrive on hearing about our adventures. We live in different states now, but still email and see one another as often as we can. I've lived here for 3 years, and she's been down to visit me 3 times already. Who, other than your *Best* friend, would drive all the way from Colorado to Texas when she only has a 3 day weekend? (Drive one day, spend one day, drive another???) Another time she and her husband drove ALL night to get here, then managed to drive with us to sightsee in San Antonio until midnight of the next day. We have shared so many memories, and enjoy all of life together. Debbie is my *Best* friend.
2. My *Best* friend from Jr. High is Linda. They changed the boundaries of the school attendance areas the year I was a freshman and I had to attend a different school than all the kids I grew up with, including Debbie. I was lost on the first day of classes and couldn't find the choir room (which was accessed by a staircase behind the lunchroom, which felt like being in a dark alley at midnight.) Linda was the kind soul who helped me find it, then sat by me in choir, and immediately we became friends. We did all those teen things like shopping and slumber parties. She was my maid of honor at my wedding. We talk on the phone and spend hours on end talking together whenever I get to go home. We've lived through her first husband's infidelity, their divorce, her second husband's unexpected death of a heart attack and her daughter's battle with anorexia. We've shared life on a deep level. She is my *Best* friend.
3. My *Best* Friend from college days is Lois. We were both married the same summer and lived in the same married student housing project at Colorado School of Mines where our husbands were students. We spent so many nights playing games, and camping together. No matter how many moves we made, we always kept in touch and made trips to see each other. We went to see them once and ended up spray painting our car in their garage, and she had yellow paint spots on her washer and dryer forever afterward. When they came home to visit family in Denver, we were ALWAYS invited. At first her siblings were jealous, but eventually came to consider us to be family too. We watched them become Christians, go to seminary, become a pastor and his wife, and raise 4 beautiful daughters for whom we were god-parents. We've been able to drive to Utah to attend all four weddings. We always pick up where we left off and have shared life on a spiritual level as well. She is my *Best* friend.
4. My *Best* friend during our early years of marriage was Deb. We moved to eastern Colorado and I thought I recognized her husband while attending a church basketball game. I knew him from Bible camp as a teen, but he'd lived in California, but attended our camp near Colorado Springs because his uncle was camp director. It had to be a God-thing to meet like that in a podunk eastern CO. cowtown . We had great times together on their dairy farm dreaming of self-sufficient farms together. We did everthing together. Then we went to Bible college in Florida and they worked at Fellowship Ranch in Missouri for Overseas Christian Servicemen's Centers. We went to visit them there. They told a couple who were volunteering there that their *BEST* friends were coming to visit. The couple was Lois' parents---small world, huh? Lois' mother said "They can't be YOUR Best friends, they are Best friends with my daughter!" Deb died a few years ago of breast cancer, but she was my *Best* friend.
5. My *Best* friend from my boys' school years is Caleen. She was Phil's first and second grade teacher. She encouraged learning with a creative and challenging method. She let him choose his own spelling words because he could already spell all the words on the third grade list for the year. She told me that Phil had to be INWARDLY movtivated, that outside motivation was never going to work with him. (Time has proven her to be a prophet in that regard.) We talked about life together and became friends outside the classroom. I helped her create a family heritage scrapbook photo album. I shared life with her as she fell in love, and married the pastor of an inner city church. She encouraged me to homeschool Mark (contrary to what MOST public school teachers would do) when we figured out that his learning style was a 1 percentile style, and public school wasn't working out for him. She allowed him to come into her classroom and do Science Guy type of talks and demos from 5th grade all the way through high school graduation. I've shared her struggles to deal with aging parents and uninvolved siblings. We love going exploring together or just sitting and talking for hours. She is my *Best* friend.
6. My *Best* friend in Texas has been Becky. On my first visit to a Ladies Bible Study I introduced myself and said I needed to make friends in my new community. She promptly invited me to lunch. We started meeting for lunch regularly and soon started doing things together as couples as well. We eat meals together, are in the same small group Bible study and go to plays, movies and concerts together. We all spent a weekend helping Katrina victims in Louisiana and have planned a canoe trip next month. My son is dating her daughter, but we didn't even introduce them to each other. He was home from college on a short break, attended a youth group outing to a baseball game and said she was the only one who would talk to him. Now they've been dating over a year and even attended the same Bible college in Iowa. Becky's mom told me that I am an answer to prayer, that Becky needed a *Best* friend.
I see a long future for Becky and I as *Best* friends.
7. My *Best* friend at work is Karla, my boss. We are in the same small group Bible study. When she was getting ready to open her store and was feeling overwhelmed by everything, I volunteered to help her, not as a job, just as a friend. I did help her set up the shop, but ended up being employed even before the store opened. I love working for her, she is a great boss. We talk about everything and just enjoy being together. She takes me along on shopping trips (like to the World Trade Center and one this week to Texas Hill Country.) She is training me to be able to run the store if the need ever arises. We spend hours talking about most everything. She told her husband I am her *Best* friend. Yup. She's my *Best * friend.
8. My *Best* Scrapbooking friend is Stacy. She's everybody's best friend. She is open and genuine. We connect on many levels, scrapbooking is only one. She and her husband coached us when we needed to move here from Colorado. She encourages me when I feel hesitant or inadequate. I admire her and love to be with her. We have lunch together, but not nearly often enough. We can talk about anything. I share her life more than she shares mine because I read her blog. She says the things we all wish we had the talent to say. Maybe I should share my blog with her.
9. My Mom is my *Best* Friend. We are so much alike. We even say the same things, with the same tone of voice, at the SAME time. When we are watching old home videos we say "Did I say that, or did you?" We talk about everthing, we work together perfectly as a team. We create masterpieces together like the huge collage of photos at their church, that years later still attracts attention. We talk on the phone EVERY day for as long as we dare. We can complain and grump about life or relationships all we want and know the other understands and can deal with it. We love traveling together, working together, chatting together. She is not just my Mom, she's my *Best* friend.
10. My husband is my *Best* friend. There are no secrets, no barriers, just open loving arms. We dream about the future, we reminisce about the past. We have philosophical discussions. We are an unbeatable team in the kitchen! We encourage each other and yet give one another space. He is kind and gentle and understanding. He is God's incredible, wonderful gift to me. He is my *Best* friend.
I am so blessed to have *Best* friends and plenty of wonderful, favorite friends too!
edited May 5, 2007....I just got an email from my friend, Susan. She should have been in my list of best friends too. Our sons are best friends and we spent endless hours together talking together as the boys played over the years. This little article of reflection on types of friendships agrees perfectly with this blog entry "Best Friend" that I wrote months ago.
To all of my girlfriends.
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded! Ralph Waldo Emerson
When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend, and then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up, God would show you the best in many friends.
One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, "Let's cry together," another, "Let's fight together," another, "Let's walk away together."
One friend will meet your spiritual need, another your shoe fetish, another your love for movies, another will be with you in your season of confusion, another will be your clarifier, another the wind beneath your wings.
But whatever their assignment in your life, on whatever the occasion, on whatever the day, or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .. those are your best friends.
It may all be wrapped up in one woman, but for many, it's wrapped up in several.. one from 7th grade, one from high school, several from the college years, a couple from old jobs, on some days your mother, on some days your neighbor, on others, your sisters, and on some days, your daughters.
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